You know how you were a really great parent – before you had kids?
Did you get that too? When you looked at other people’s kids and knew for sure you wouldn’t do it that way; when you were so clear that your kids wouldn’t act that way, or you would do it differently, so much better.
That, my friends, is where most mum judgment comes from. From those who have literally no experience and no idea what you are going through; and from your own leftover internal judge who was so clear on how things would be, and had no idea how hard it was actually going to be.
It is so important to remember this, and re-frame those thoughts and feelings of judgement.
Ask yourself, ‘Does anyone really care how I’m doing this? Does it really matter what they think anyway? Or is this just me judging myself?’
The answers you give yourself to these questions can be quite surprising. One thing I have noticed as I practice this more is how much less judgmental I am of those around me, not just myself.
It is almost as though when I am caught up in feelings of being judged by others, I am more likely to project that outwards and think less kindly of people around me. I find myself more likely to label people, and assume the worst about them. I am likely to think the worst about what they are thinking about me.
When I am kinder and less judgemental to myself, I find it naturally spills over into the world around me. If someone ignores me, or sounds short-tempered when speaking to me, I am more likely to cut them some slack too, and think that perhaps they’re having a bad day or have some tough stuff going on instead of imagining that they are angry with me for some reason.
How wonderful that inner kindness becomes outer kindness, and makes the world a better place!